Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
The uberlube is also flammable
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
