im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
