The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
