Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
