Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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