you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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