His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
