Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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