She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
