How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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