dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
