It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
