it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
