the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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