at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
