No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
