In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
