You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
