My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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