Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
