OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
