just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
