Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
