Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
