I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
i am craving dick and cupcakes
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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