I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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