I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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