I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
