So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Randomize
