i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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