i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
