im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
