When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
