I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
