Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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