Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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