It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
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