Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Acid is not a monday night drug
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
