Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
