If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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