The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
