the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i think i have herpe
just one?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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