Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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