Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
