She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
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