I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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