last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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