I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
