weddingsv make me drug and hornr
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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