I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i already hear my dad disowning me
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
