That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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