No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
false alarm. still invincible.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
