You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
