ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
